Ephemeral Bliss

As the saying goes, “In every gray sky, there’s a silver lining”.

I had the impulse of writing about the horrors of the past weeks and the devastation Ondoy and Pepeng brought to our country. I thought of even posting pictures so I have a graphic presentation that would have made readers sigh and feel sorry. However, I quickly realized that drama and grief are not my cup of coffee. I do not have the capacity nor the inclination to stir heavy emotion that can support such endeavor. Sensationalism is not my arena. I am not the queen of drama. So I resolved to writing about the silver lining of the grayest moment of the past month.

• The value of family, friends, neighbors and even lovers. I was away from home when the highest flood came raging into our house, uninvited. I have never been as afraid, nervous and anxious in my entire life as I was during those two days. I was relieved to find out that my uncles and cousins all helped out in salvaging items, getting food and checking on our neighbors to see if anyone needed help. Days after, friends from faraway places came and brought food and water. Present boyfriends moved furniture and bought food from the market that was only accessible by walking through waist deep flood. Ex-boyfriends, no matter how bitter the break up was, called or sent messages to check if we were alright. Calamity brings out the best and the worst in people. Luckily we have the best kind in our lives.
• The value of Bayanihan. Sure we got annoyed by our neighbors a few times because they drunk excessively and sang all night long. We might have had a few riffs over trash thrown to our side or using the front of our house as parking space. But during Ondoy, nobody looked the other way when someone was in need. Nobody was needed to be told to help and even went out of their way to do so. Despite the many flaws Filipinos inherited from thousands of years of colonial mentality, Bayanihan can make up for all this and make me proud to be a Filipina.
• The value of cleanliness. They say that disaster is natural, but calamity is man made. Rain could not have drowned Luzon if rivers, canals and drainage weren’t clogged with garbage, houses and malls. Now, clean up drives and environmental causes are the new fad, I just hope that this fad evolves into classic style like jeans and white shirt.
• The value of preparedness. Ondoy caught us off guard and blind sided, Our area in Cainta has never had flood in the 20 years we live here. Life teaches us that life altering moments come in the most unexpected time. While the government, in its last stupid attempt to console itself for not being prepared, tries to brainwash citizens into thinking that nothing could have prepared us for this, Some clear minded individuals beg to disagree. Sure, we could not have known through PAGASA’s jurassic equipments that it will rain that much, but we have always known that Philippines is a disaster prone area, as such we should always be prepared for what might be heading our way.
• The value of faith. I’ve been an agnostic for many years now. But during the onslaught of Ondoy, I prayed hard with all the memorized our fathers and hail Marys left rusting in the recesses of my mind. I prayed to the God of Catholics, as He is the only one I knew from the time I could learn how to speak. I prayed long, steadfast and unrelenting, as if I wanted to make up for all the years that I did not. It was then I realized why people pray, why there is a God, why there is religion. In the most trying of times, I found the answer I was looking for.

I will always be the person who sees the silver lining, and I thank God that I am.

Here’s to a new beginning!

I read somewhere that the biggest decisions we have to make usually come during moments we least expect, and these spell the outcome of our life’s journey. We can never really be fully ready in life because we can’t know what’s in store for us, we can make do with “expecting the best” or “preparing for the worst” so we can feel even a bit of security in an otherwise horrifying unknown that we face everyday. When these crucial moments that change our life come, what do we do? how do we handle the pressure and the uncertainty of the outcomes? How do we finally settle and say to ourselves under our breaths that we have decided, that we are ready to face whatever may come?

I speak to myself in a quiet spot, maybe sip some coffee and throw a faraway stare. I contemplate so I can hear myself tell me, “Rhods, you know better than anyone else what will make you happy.” I sometimes weigh, use the pro and con list (though this seldom works for me since I can’t break me) and sometimes, when in extreme dire need, I ask advice from peers.

However, when all fails, I seek guidance from Bathala and I follow where tides take me. I keep an open mind that maybe, there’s an outer force in the works to align my path.

I hope Bathala pointed me to the right path again this time.

These are places where I am at my happiest and most comfortable. Places where I don’t feel a sense of urgency to walk in hurried fashion or to constantly watch my back. Places where I am at my most complacent and consequently at my most peaceful. Here’s a list of my happy places:

• Home
• Appliances and house furniture and fixture section at the mall.
• UP Diliman
• Bookstores
• Libraries
• Inside a really good book or a blog of a good writer.
• Friends

How about you? What are your happy places? =)

Today I hung out at Jollibee Cainta. I chose a discreet corner against the wall with a perfect view of the street and the busy passers by. I could see jeepneys leaving and taking passengers, motorcycles inching their way through the busy road and mothers leading their kids to the fast food chain’s entrance. I couldn’t remember anymore the last time I absorbed the mundane life of Cainta, its Indian - looking folks that were said to be descendants of Sepoy, its narrow roads that lead to places I’ve never been to even though I’ve lived here my whole young life, and its simple and laid - back atmosphere that seemed to make time stand still. It was a welcome hiatus to sit on that discreet corner and watch life unfold in the street of Cainta.

A G-liner bus broke my fixed gaze at the street when it stopped in front of Jollibee. There was a tinge of sadness in my heart as I watched people alight, each person bringing me memories of nights spent playing around the 2 piso tree, eagerly waiting for mom to alight from a G-liner bus. It’s almost 5PM. People started to fill the tables around me. I’ve never felt so alone as I did when that bus left and I didn’t see a familiar face alight.

My eyes wandered to the stores and stalls from the opposite side of the street. I noticed Apo ni Aling Banang’s carinderia proudly enticing prospective customers with their gigantic billboard of a halo-halo. I almost took my bags and headed towards the gigantic halo-halo, but my attention was quickly grabbed by the group of deaf mutes occupying the table at the far end of Jollibee. They chatted using sign language and  conveyed their thoughts and emotions through gestures. I was both amused and amazed. I’ve never seen before a conversation carried out in silence. I smiled and watched. I wanted to learn sign language, if I knew how to sign I will easily choose that over words. Words cause too many misunderstandings… but don’t actions as well? I wondered and I pondered.

I realized I’ve been sitting in that corner for an awfully long while and I thought I better order something before a crew kicked me out. So I squinted and tried to reach with my myopic eyes the menu displayed at the counter. Prices have gone high, a meal of spaghetti and chicken would cost a hundred pesos nowadays. I remember ten years ago I didn’t have money for Jollibee. I used to wave goodbye to my classmates who were heading off for a burger, while I would head straight to my aunt’s house and wait for dad to come fetch me. I had a few coins as baon (because mom packed lunch for us) and I would save that for other important things. I checked my wallet and decided I would wait for my bestfriend before I ordered.

Half past 5PM, I saw Joys enter the door. I smiled as I greeted her.

Cainta will always be that place I call home.

Jose Rizal ate tuyo and spent most of his money buying books. he despised a chinese merchant in Dapitan and an american traveler, he got high from hashish and walked the red light districts in Europe. His mother was said to be from the illegitimate line of Alberto and he always knew he would never reach 30. Inspite of carrying Dr., he was not able to take the certification exam that would have made him a licensed medical practitioner and he once said he did not want to be a farmer but ended up tilling the soil of Dapitan.

These are the things I did not know even after two years of secondary school Jose Rizal, two semesters of Spanish class on Rizal works and one summer of PI 100 (all about Jose Rizal), that I was able to get out of reading Ambeth Ocampo’s “Rizal without the Overcoat”. The book reads like a tabloid but with Ambeth’s eloquency and journalist wit, which is just half of the charm. It also takes off on tid bits and seemingly hearsy anecdotes that soon enough, one will find out is based on factual evidences, carefully researched by the writer.

Jose Rizal has never been as interesting as without his overcoat.

I’m almost believing as of this moment that we can literally go dumb if we don’t do enough brain exercise to keep our brain cells working.

I just finished my 8th article for the second week of classes and as much as I love reading, my mind can’t seem to keep up with the additional work thrown at it. Out of the 8 articles I mentioned, five were written in archaic spanish and I seriously got bloody nose after devouring them. I enjoy the class so much and I anticipate every discussion with vigor and fiery passion and the books I have to read are all far too interesting to be consumed in one hasty sitting, which is why it pains me to not give a hundred and one percent of myself during discussions and study period. What makes it all the more difficult is that I feel I have lost so much brain activity for letting my mind go dormant for five years that now it’s rebelling against me and my desire for education. Last week, it’s rebelliousness acted up by making me speak broken and incoherent spanish even though I already practiced three days before all my spiels for the class. So much for four years of undergraduate studies.

I really hope my brain will follow my lead and make me look less stupid in class tomorrow. Please pray to bathala for me.

I am officially the worst friend in the world. Why?

- Because I forget to greet my friends during special days.

- Because I don’t make conscious effort to make phone calls, send sms or even send smoke signals to friends.

- Because I give empty promises of dinner dates and film watching.

- Because I am the last person to find out that a friend has health problems, another one is nursing a broken heart and another one is celebrating a career mile stone. What happened to the just a phone call away Rhoda???

- Because I only get updates about my friends through social network sites and this is by far the most horrible realization I’ve had in my 20 years of friend existence.

- Because I’ve become overbearing and self centered, and I didn’t even notice this because I was too busy being overbearing and self centered.

So today I am officially opening my doors to the world outside of my life and celebrate everyday the fact that I’m blessed with people who love me inspite of me.

*Friends

A Las Tres

Pinaghalong amoy ng plema at gamot sa hika,

Tunog ng mababaw at humahagod na paghinga.

Humpak na pisngi at maputlang labi,

Mahinang katawan at nanginginig na mga daliri.

Pinaghalong amoy ng ulan at luha,

Nakabibinging katahimikan mula sa patid na hininga,

Malamig na pisngi at tuyong labi,

Walang buhay na katawan at nangingitim na mga daliri.

Pinaghalong amoy ng hamog at kandila,

Tunog ng impit na hikbi at malungkot na pagalaala,

Kailan ba makakawala mula sa bangungot ng iyong pagkawala?

Maaaring hindi na… maaaring hindi na.

Like two peas in a pod

We cradle, we hug

We touch, we kiss

We share moments of bliss.

Like two peas in a pod

We dance, we laugh

We celebrate love.

We live

Like two peas in a pod.

Dahil sha ang pinakamaimpluwensyang tao sa buong Pilipinas nararapat lamang na bigyan sha ng puwang sa aking maliit na espasyo sa mundo ng internet.

Narinig ko sa radyo na sha na ang kinikilalang boxing legend of the modern age dahil sa galing nya sa larangan ng suntukan, nagawa nyang pabagsakin si Hatton sa loob lamang ng humigit kumulang 5 minuto at magkamit ng anim na championship belts.

Nagawa din nyang pagkaisahin ang buong PIlipinas sa panahon ng kanyang mga laban, daig pa nya ang peace keeping forces na naglalagi sa Mindanao dahil tuwing may laban lamang sha natitigil pansamantala ang bakbakan sa pagitan ng mga sundalo at rebelde.

Tinuturin din shang best crime buster dahil base sa talaan ng mga pulis, zero crime rate ang Pilipinas tuwing umaakyat sha sa ring para magpatumba ng kalaban.

Kakaiba talaga ang gayuma ni Manny Pacquiao sa mga Pilipino pero kahit hindi ako masyadong fan niya, masasabi ko pa rin na proud ako sa galing nya sa boxeo at sa impluwesya nya sa Pilipinas.

Mabuhay ka Manny